Prologue

Warmest greetings and a blessed Tuesday to Our readers; and speaking of Tuesday, make certain to give a special greeting to your respective Guardian Angels for Us. We are, by the way, the eighth in the line of Papae Pii, though not nearly as prestigious as I, V, VII, IX, X, XI, XII, or, unfortunately, even the anti-Pope Pius XIII. Go figure. Reigning for a mere twenty months will do that, We suppose.

We would like to preface our actual upcoming post with a quotation from a relevant and reliable source, namely Ourselves, in Our bludgeoning Encyclical Traditi Humilitati. Reading the rest of the letter will demonstrate at least two fundamental truths: 1) Holy Church has been in big trouble before, and 2) people never listen to the current Pope. The first ought to be a source of comfort for Our earthbound readers, while the second remains a perpetual source of annoyance for the eight-and-a-half Pontiffs at this blog.

“Although God may console Us with you, We are nonetheless sad. … The authority of the Church is weakened and the protectors of things sacred are snatched away and held in contempt. … All things which concern religion are relegated to the fables of old women and the superstitions of Priests. Truly lions have roared in Israel. With tears We say: 'Truly they have conspired against the Lord and against His Christ.' Truly the impious have said: 'Raze it, raze it down to its foundations.' "

This is all that We shall speak concerning Ourselves; let it be known that it is an honor for Us to join the ranks of the other Pii here present, all of whom (save one) are many many times closer to being canonized than We ever shall be. Do keep the above passage in mind. And We, as a pledge of Our affection, lovingly impart the Apostolic Benediction.